Dead End Job

Thanks to the Police for the title of this post...

A couple of weeks ago (as written in a previous blog) I had undergone gallbladder surgery. On my post-op visit, the doctor advised that I take another week off from work to fully recover from the surgery- which I was happy about. I had started feeling better, but was really in no shape to return to work. As the second week was winding down, my anxiety started...

I have been with Verizon Wireless for over 8 years. I have had virtually the same job for about 7 years, with about a year of other duties sprinkled in along that time. Initially, I fell for the grandeur of "opportunities to be promoted from within" lines as if they were true statements- why would the company lie about such things? However, this has not been the case as time progressed. I have applied for over 50 positions within the company and have succeeded in attaining 4 of them. Not a successful ratio. I have even been offered a job by a manager, accepted the position, only to be told that I would NOT be getting the position a week later! The stories about my struggles for progression would amaze you. I thought that I finally caught a break 7 months ago when I received an interim position with an auditing team. Unfortunately, 7 months came and went as a permanent position was not being filled at this time. Therefore, I was returning back to my previous job. That is, before the gall bladder surgery.

I have never been off two full weeks at once in the 8 years I had been at Verizon Wireless. Sure, I have had 9 or 10 days off before including weekends, but never as many as the 17 days off I had this past month. One would think that after that much time off, one would be rejuvenated and feel refreshed and be back at work without any dread. One would be wrong.  Yesterday, I entered my building, sat along side my co-workers and walked out with the same feeling of dread I had nearly 8 months prior when I was performing my old job description.

The best way I can explain it to people is that it's like going to school every morning only to see that bully at the door waiting for you. You know he is there for one thing: to punch you in the stomach and take your lunch money and push you down to the ground. No matter how much you try to put up a fight, the results are the same: a deflated ego, a bruise in your ribs and that queasy feeling that even though you made it to Friday, Monday is right around the corner and it starts all over again.

I don't really know where I am going with this post, but I am sure there are others out there that will read this and can empathize with exactly the same feelings that I feel about my job. Longing for a fulfilling career is something that many of us deal with, so I am not asking for pity. All I know is that I cannot, nor will not go on like this. Something has to change. I am going to be looking for that something. And when I find it, I am going to hold onto it like I am gasping for air. Either within or (more than likely) without Verizon Wireless.

If You Want Blood, You Got It

A little AC/DC never hurt anyone...

Sorry for the delay since my last post. I feel pretty bad about it, but Jen and I have been extremely busy over the past couple of months creating a bedroom for Jacob Matthew deserving of a segment on HGTV. Pictures and a LONG blog about it once completed...

Like a majority of Americans, I work at my place of business because I HAVE TO work at my place of business. There comes a time in your life where, as the Daniel Stern character (Phil) eloquently stated in CIty Slickers, "at this stage- where you are, you are..." With the recent changes in our health care coverage at the start of the new year, what was once a great advantage over other companies is now merely competitive with other companies. With the tightening economy, all of the reasons why I stayed with Verizon Wireless are falling by the wayside...

During the waning days of 2009, many of my fellow team members are burned out. The pressure to perform to higher standards coupled with less benefits is taking its toll on our department. I only took 2 of my 3 weeks of vacation this year in order to save extra time for Jacob's arrival in the coming weeks, so have been exhausted for quite some time. Recently, each of us have been talking about what we would give to have a little break in our day. Some stated that they would pay $50 to have an hour away. I made the comment that I would donate a kidney to have a couple of hours away from my desk right now...

Last week, employees received an email from our Health & Wellness Team at Verizon Wireless that explained we were going to have the opportunity to participate in a Red Cross Blood Drive at work in January. Before the I could read the email in its entirety, I clicked "reply" and said that I would volunteer. I did not have to even think twice. All I read was "spots are limited" and "first come first serve basis." I WAS getting a spot for donation. Are you kidding me? An hour away from the desk and all I had to do is give a pint of blood? Fair trade, considering I mused of donating a kidney for two hours. It was time for my body to cash the check that my mouth wrote a couple of weeks ago.

I had not donated blood in several years. The last time I did so was the last Verizon Wireless Blood Drive in 2007. It only took about 5 minutes from the initial start of the draw to the completion of the donation. The collection bag was hidden from site so I never saw the pint of blood at all. Just a day after the donation, my arm has only a small red dot as evidence of the needle's invasion. Moreover- the Red Cross will allow blood donations every 56 days! That's incredible. The website for the Red Cross (www.redcross.org) is a fantastic resource for more information about blood donation and their need for volunteers.

I have made a New Year's resolution to give blood at least 4 times this year. I figure that it is the least I could do to help others in need. I encourage everyone to go out and find a Red Cross Donation Center or the location of a BloodMobile near you. It is a small gift, but the dividends are exponential. Each pint of blood can save up to 3 lives. With my 4 pints this year, I my small donation could save 12 lives! That's pretty awesome! What are you going to do to make the world a better place this year?

Birthday!

In honor of The Beatles launch of Rock Band and my birthday the day prior, I figured I would toss them the title of this post...

I had my 35th birthday on Tuesday. My day was my own: I was able to have lunch with Gabriel at school, take a ride on the motorcycle, pick Gabriel up from school, have some father-son time, and have dinner with Jen's family. Some great gifts were received: Seasons 1-3 of The Office, a shirt from AE, and the crown jewel- a new pair of Nike Free 5.0 shoes in navy and grey (NY Yankee colors). Tremendously comfortable.

On an internal note, it was definitely a day for reflection and looking to the future. Internal retrospection only lasted for a few minutes. This year, there have been tears of happiness and sadness. I have had some tremendous highs within my immediate family and my career, while rough low points recently in a loss of a great friend and struggles within my career as well. It has been a complete whirlwind and both ends of the spectrum assure me that I am still alive inside.

That said, it is too easy reviewing the decisions made in the past that have made me the man I am today. What is far more difficult is looking to the future to determine who I will become. This is something that I have not been able to work through just yet. I must develop the ability to be content with my life despite the external forces at play in my life. I have to figure out a way not to allow my job define me or determine my worth. As a man, I believe that is one of the most difficult things to do as a man in this society.

All this to say that I have decided to make an conscious effort to continue discovering who I am as a person. I enjoy listening to lectures that expand my ability to think on a higher level. Philosophy has always interested me because I like to ask questions that seem simple, but are quite complex when digested. I call it mental gymnastics. I have download some incredible material in iTunesU that I purpose to be recommended listening: Oxford University's Philosophy for Beginners. If you have not checked out iTunesU, please do so. There is an incredible amount of material available that is free to download and provides opportunities for you to stimulate your mind. If you find something in iTunesU that you really like, please let me know and I'll check it out too!

Exercise your mind!

Long Time No Blog

Well, I would like to offer my apology to anyone reading this blog. It has been far too long since my last post. I have been working in a new position lately which is requiring a lot more hours than my previous job required. While it has been an enjoyable experience, it has cost me dozens of hours above the 40 hour work week. While it also allowed my job to become a career, it has cost me many of hours away from being with family. 

This has been the promotion that I have been waiting for over the past several years. This was the opportunity that I wished to seize because it allowed me to further my career while allowing me to keep some altered version of weekends off. Unfortunately, after I interviewed for the position, I was advised that these positions would be required to work every Saturday. Quite disheartening considering I had been waiting for this chance to further my career. After a final interview, leadership offered others the position. 

I actually saw it as a victory that the position was not offered to me: making the choice would force me into a lose-lose situation. Taking the promotion would force me to give up many hours of time with the family, especially on the weekends. Passing on the position would infer to my leadership that I am not "committed" to the company. By not being offered the position, I go back to my old schedule (7-4 Monday-Friday). The only bad news is that I go back to the mundane tasks that drove me into a depression in late 2008. 

I have determined that my life with family is much more valuable than a few extra dollars in my wallet. Jennifer is also happy for me to return to my old job because she feels that she will be getting her her husband back. This is obviously an important time for us because we are starting our IVF cycle as we speak. More on that next time. 

For now, I will leave you with a short list of things that have occurred since my last post:

• Jennifer and I have started the IVF process
• I cooked and ate my first piece of salmon
• Gabriel has learned to ride a bike without training wheels
• I have refinished a piece of furniture

I hope to involve you in these events soon.